Putting Yourself First Doesn’t Make You a Bad Person

I’m tired of people’s emotional burdens

photo by Anthony Tran on Unsplash

Don’t let it be said that I haven’t used lockdown wisely: I tried working out — and decided I better leave it to other people — I baked. Loads. My love handles would like to discuss it further but I never let them talk. They steal enough of my energy every time I try to put on a pair of jeans that used to fit.

I cleansed my wardrobe — twice! — and got rid of anything that didn’t spark joy — or, more realistically, didn’t fit anymore.

I read memoirs — which were as boring as I expected them to be — and had so much time with myself I actually think I need a break.

Sorry, it’s not me. It’s me.

And yet, of all the things I’ve done and tried, never once I gave myself permission to say no.

Specifically: to say no to other people.

For the majority of my life, I have been the sort of person who is always there, fixing things for others: from spellcheck on an English paper to being there, physically, to ease some of their pain.

It’s when I found myself lonely and with a burden behind my back that I questioned whether or not it was worth it.